Kindergarten - Posted by Deirdre on June 29, 1998 at 20:13:24:
Hi John, (nice to meet you too!)
John said:
Well spoken, Deirdre. Nothing could be clearer than if we could go back to that time and see the world as we did :then. But .how to get "back there" again?
That was then, and this now. So there's nothing we can do about "going back there" again. But we can "be here now" in kindergarten. And you are most welcome to be here now.
So far, you are joined in our virtual class by me and Anonymous. And that's a delight to me. This "virtual school" is *actually working* for some moments, at least, now. Perhaps you can empathize with my excitement at this, after the months in which this site has been being built, all leading up to this, which is the heart of this school.
Deirdre, I never knew if anyone would find their way here through the maze of this extended campus. Congratulations to you, and, as much so, to Anonymous here.
Deirdre responds:
Well you have done a great job of setting this all up.. I had no difficulty traversing the virtual campus. It is apparent that you (and the others that have helped to set this magazine/classroom up) have worked really hard on this project! I do empathize and appreciate your excitement.. My sense is that this "virtual place" will effect many individual travelers.. but if it only had an effect on one.. just one.. wouldn't it be worth it! .. well I am here and your are here…
John said
And just as you describe it, it is really kindergarten for me, too. An incredible surprise! (your humble opinion is a great one) -- appreciation and zest for the new experiences! Everything is a great new adventure.
Perhaps you are a teacher in disguise and already know all this.
Deirdre responds:
No I am not a teacher.. I am ever a student..
Although we can't go back in time, we can be here in time. And when we are here in time, we can begin to start working on all this adult stuff that we've laid up in here since our childhood enlightenment (as you describe so eloquently). If we can get some of this adult stuff out of the way, and just be a child again and *see* (without harboring emotional upsets for so long, as we adults seem to do; without having to put out a lot of thinking about it, which adults venerate above everything, including the actual experience of life; without having to take advantage of it in some way other than freely playing with it, however it actually goes) -- in short, in a purely loving and egoless inter-relating with things and especially people.
Well, that's a kind of long-winded explanation of what I have in mind. I mean, since we have grown up and become adults, and since we have taken on these egos and personalities that we have, maybe we can go back to kindergarten *again* and try this whole game of life over again from that point.
Deirdre responds:
John., I have a question for you if I may.. you seem to have been on this road for a while… so in your opinion. is true egolessness possible. I have had some very interesting experiences while meditating . but not what I can describe as egolessness as I don't know that I remember WHAT that is.. There is no easy answer to this I know, I have read many individuals take on this. but if I am going to learn from you.. I would very much like to understand where you are in this great search. Is it ok to ask you this?
John said:
But then, you seem to know all this already.
Deirdre responds
We all do.. somewhere deep inside.. it is just a matter of recognizing it - I think.
John said:
Your appreciation is appreciated, indeed.
John
P.S. "I am not sure anyone should ever advance." A number of teachers I've known and read have said that we "need" the "shadow side" of our lives that we acquire in growing up and joining up with the "topsy-turvy" adult world--that is, the "ego-driven selfish side" of our lives--we need this to *have something to work on* in order to be able to cultivate greater amounts of awareness this way. We "needed" the Fall in the Garden of Eden. The ordinary human condition, trouble and strife and all, is a natural part of the equation of "enlightenment." The "shadow side" is the "wood" that has to be "burned" (in the light of awareness of it--as taught in kindergarten here. This is what the awareness game that will be taught here is about--playing this shadow side "out of the field" with both you and others.). So we don't need to "shun," or "feel bad about," or "guilty about," or "deny" having these shadow sides of our selves (all of us humans!). We just need to learn how to wake up in mindfulness and be able to see it--see the way it is, in awareness, thereby to "make fire (and light) with this wood," so to speak. The intent is, in fact, "to continually be aware of all things as new." But that is a hypothetical--in kindergarten, at least (because of the "continually" part)--unless you are a "perfect master," as they say--and such you may be. In kindergarten, however, we start out by being able to be aware a little bit of the time, at first. And then, by practicing this, we can become able to be aware more and more of the time--aware in the sense of actually being in touch with the direct experience of this excitement--seeing all things as new, and realizing this, in the experience of the present, while it's happening.
(And seeing also that all things pass. And more new things keep coming. Surprising. Exciting. Challenging. One can be up to it!)
Deirdre responds:
I do understand (I think!) the need for the "shadow side".. it is in the acceptance of all thing as a part of ourselves that we are truly whole.
Glad to meetcha, Deirdre.
Thanks John, and I hope this format doesn't get all messed up when I take it back to the classroom.. but if it does.. I have an excuse.. This is after all kindergarten and I am expected to make mistakes!
Take Care
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