some stars may be necessary... Posted by Jeff on November 18, 1999 at 10:02:33:
In Reply to: A coach's dilemma: keeping up and staying in the now. posted by John on November 16, 1999 at 15:51:35:
Hi Coach & all:
Here we go with a star worthy post.
Coach as believer>I suppose I have been conning not just Douglas, but
all of you students for a long time—and conning *me*!—about being able
to keep up with Classroom Talk. I'm always promising...
If I could only keep up with my ego. It makes promises that I have no
hope of ever fulfilling, but I can't look bad or be wrong can I. Here
is me at my sleeping best, The whole "work ethic" that society and
culture has instilled upon me(no that it is always bad) leaves me with
the thoughts of Heinlein's shading my ego and personality:
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an
invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a
sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying,
take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve
equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a
computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
Specialization is for insects."
I should be able to do it all, anything less is failure.
Coach as rebel/artist & doormat/hardworker>Not a very auspicious start
for the day, Kiddees. Didn't get much done in the morning, fell asleep
again around noon with the television on. The phone rang, and I knocked
it off the cradle waking up, and I didn't get hold of it again until
the person had hung up, apparently having heard only the *strident*
conversation of a television movie in the background. Ha! Isn't that a
good one? I did some processing of my anger over that. It might have
been an important call. Now, I'll never know . . .
Sleeping late, is it the sleep of the doormat, or the much needed rest
of the soul? I had piles of laundry I was working on last night and it
HAD to get done, but I was tired and I went to bed early anyway. Of
course I had been up later the 2 nights before messing with everything
but the laundry in order to not have to deal with it. You know, that
laundry is still there and I may actually get some of it done tonight,
we'll see tonight.
Then not getting that possibly important call. The rebel sees that
important caller walking away from the phone shaking his head, saying I
guess John just doesn't want to talk to me? Imagination is a wonderful
thing. I could see myself doing this. The phone rang 3 times the other
night and I kept expecting it to be from an organization that I belong
to. They never called, which for a bit set my ego on edge. Maybe I'm
not as important as I think. The reality is that I wasn't needed, which
my ego might view as bad, is really a positive thing.
Coach as Rebel/artist & student believer>One of the things I was day-
dreaming about this morning as I was goofing away the hours, was that I
really, really think that by the end of the second month of 2000, I am
gonna have this job down, and I'm gonna be able to field your comments
promptly and smoothly, right and left, and keep up with the flow of it
The need for perfection, and the belief that it will be so. IF I can't
run the marathon, I won't go run a couple of miles. That's where this
takes me. I don't have time to do what I "want", so I won't put in the
time. I generally tend to connect my daily activity to gaols which may
or may not be attainable. It is ok to have a goal, but the level of
expectation in achieving that goal is what sets my ego up. I don't have
the "time" to go climbing, so why get in shape. Actually being in shape
is in itself its own goal, yet my head will attach the two and my rebel
will say if I can't do ir all then I won't do anything.
Caoch as hardworker & artist>In the meantime, I'm still learning how to
pace myself, and get the handling of our classroom conversations more
perfected, to run more smoothly.
I am learning to pace to get the most out of my efforts, as any
hardworker would. To be looking for "more perfection" rather than for
perfection itself, the goal of the rebel turned artist.
Coach as hardworker/doormat>Right now, I'm feeling tight in the gut
about not responding yet...that I set up and haven't finished yet...I'm
most indebted to, for unfinished conversations...
That feeling of not doing what "needs"(at least to me) to be done. I
just found out that our Thanksgiving potluck at work is today. I was
supposed to have a dessert. Well the grocery store up the street will
have to be ok. It is not what I had planned, but its OK.
Coach as hardworker/doormat> a bunch of the best questions I could be
responding to now
Coach as rebal/artist.It lacked the punch that I was looking for. It
didn't seem to "sing." I didn't feel it "had my heart in it." It wasn't
good enough for my ego to post it on-line.
Coach as student/believer>I will be caught up, right on the spot, here
and now . . . . . or nearly caught up,
Coach as artist/rebel>Well, I won't really be caught up. But...
Coach>So the "Gold Stars" in this class will not go to those who "scrub
up" their postings so well that nary a trace of ego and personality can
be found in them by the rest of us."
This one gets the stars, at least as many as the longer post.
Coach>Do you ever see your ego get in your own way like this?
I have tried to relate a few instances above. There are many more which
I may relate as time allows.
Coach>Yet another of the prime instructions here is: "Do what you set
out to do. Follow through
and deliver on your intentions."
I'm not sure what is up with this one. What if what I set out to do is
detemined to be wrong. I understand about goals and plans, but if we
make a "prime instructions to "succeed" are we not locked into that
success. All other choices will be immediately locked out. The dilemma
to actually get something done, but to do it in a manner which allows
the compass to swing. The balance of responsibility and spontaneity. It
may be that with some awareness in the process, both the the plan, the
task, and the goal are doable.
Take care, Jeff
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