One more time now, and then . . . no more "Mr. Nice Guy." ;-) Posted by John on June 01, 2001 at 23:03:24:
Hi, Folks. As far as I'm concerned (from a coach's point of view), things couldn't be any more perfect here in class than they are for me right now.
I let myself get too run down, caught a bad cold over last weekend, and wound up sick in bed all this week. This is another factor that sometimes
accounts for my "silences" in Classroom Talk (to round that topic out). This year, my health hasn't been as good as I've been used to. And this also
accounts for my increased interest in the *possibility* of finding some help in the administration of this project. There's no doubt in my mind that the
talent is out there among you for that. But . . . . . . . On the other hand, *in the real world* I realize that everybody has *a full life*, so, frankly, I
regard these "developmental ideas" I've been mentioning as purely fantasies—so far, at least. No harm in talking about it, I suppose, if all of you
understand that I am truly not attached to any of these recent ideas. And I mean that! Yet, as unlikely or impossible as these ideas may seem to be, I
find they are fun for me to contemplate . . . . . so long as I am rather playful about it, and not necessarily "serious" about the outcome.
In the meantime, my prolonged silence here has resulted in some real bonus rewards for me in these recent postings by you class-members here. I like
the way you've all been handling yourselves lately. I see you are all capable of showing contrition now. That's an important achievement in itself in
any "masterful" group endeavor. Contrition is where it's at, in teamwork . . . . . or, so I claim.
Douglas, I've admired your efforts to get the Real Time Project going. I've appreciated your asserting yourself in this, even though last week's efforts
didn't pan out. I think you've learned from it, too, and shown some new and utterly essential growth as one of the leaders of our school community
in the process. By that, heh-heh, I mean that you've seemed to me to show some contrition for a change. You realized that role-playing the Dictator in
your attempts to honcho that AIM project along was probably a mistake. I'll come back to this in more detail later.
I'm not in a position to promise *anything* yet, of course, but I'm putting that piece of equipment you mentioned to me at the *top* of the list for "new
equipment acquisition" for our "play non-profit TTMT, Inc." I don't know what's going to happen over the rest of this year in that area in real life, but
if you are able to go ahead and get that special keyboard, save your receipt, please.
Pauline, double booya to you. First of all, you were *the only member of our whole class* with the courage to speak up after the "shit hit the fan" with
our now-famous recent engagement. I wonder if all of you in class can see the *significance* of what Pauline has accomplished in her work on her Self
here. Out of everyone here, it was Pauline who stood up and did it! (There should be a round of applause here.)
Even though you expressed misgivings about it at first, I admired the way you stuck up for our class, and stood by your classmate, Tim. That took
real bravery on your part! You wondered then how it was going to turn out. You knew it was dangerous. And you took the risk anyway! You
deserve to feel proud for having that courage now. I hope you can see that, and *feel it*.
And, like Douglas, you seemed to realize that you overdid it, "playing Dictator," when you addressed Anonymous that way, and you showed real
contrition about that afterwards. (I'll get into this a little more later, too.) Again, the "fine point" here is that we don't have to be aggressive in order
to be powerfully assertive. I think you have recognized that.
And the funniest thing of all to me, Pauline, was that in coming on *that strong* as Dictator, when you reproached Anonymous the way you did, you *
fulfilled* the premise of that theory that Jeff was talking about. Do you all see that? Jeff postulated that if you "treat a person like a Dictator" (that is,
a person who isn't usually a Dictator) the outcome might be that they will act-out the Dictator.
How about that, "Sergeant Major, SIR?" How about that, Jeff!
I guess the lesson for all of us here, after all, is: "Don't treat a person like a Dictator, unless you want to see them start dictating." {wide contrite grin}
Or, even better yet, treat people like a Can-Do Person, and caution them not to go too far, and become a Dictator (and so on, with the other types
around the wheel). Play the awareness game to a person's essence, instead of to their personality.
I also admired the teaching you did in "Dish by dish," Pauline (especially for the benefit of our newcomers, who have otherwise been "all but ignored"
during my conversations about that "engagement"). That Dish by Dish teaching is *where it's at* for you newcomers, here. Just practice it like that, in
the beginning. That is practice in developing the ability to be mindful and remain mindful, in and of itself. It's *so important* not to hurry-on-by the
first experiences of being mindful and practicing mindfulness. If you did nothing more than the kind of practice Kamala Masters describes in Pauline's
posting there, for a year, or for years, you *could not go wrong* in your spiritual, or metaphysical, or awareness-oriented personal growth practice.
It's very important that newcomers realize this. And I'm grateful to you for your astuteness in speaking up about this, Pauline. The work we are
engaging in now in Classroom Talk, is "an advanced stage of work," so to speak. It is work that can only be engaged in directly in life by a person
who has already learned, through practice over the weeks and months, to be able to wake up, again and again throughout the day, and remain
centered and observant in that awakened posture for some periods of time.
Pauline is teaching, "Keep it simple." And she is right. However experienced any of us may become over the months and years, and however skilled
we may become at practicing mindfulness while observing our own behavior and that of others, in the first week of our training or the fortieth year,
keeping it simple, practicing being awake with the changing sky, watching the garden grow, and seeing the routine things go by with awareness, dish
by dish, will always be a part of our practice.
That's a good admonition to the old-timers here, too. Let's remember to keep keeping it simple, dish by dish, even as we see what we can learn here
about "the advanced practice" of applying our mindfulness to the notable aspects of human behavior that stand out in high relief.
As I mentioned last week, there is a way that I do encourage newcomers to start posting in Classroom Talk from the beginning, and that pertains to
the basic learning of mindfulness, itself.
The "short course for beginners" here consists in attending, first, the classes under "a philosophy" (the link is on the Site Map of the Campus), and then
proceeding to take the first group of experiential exercise classes at the front of the Kindergarten.
The classes in "a philosophy" are designed to give you some idea of my attitudes as a coach about the background of this training, so that you can see
if you are comfortable with the kinds of ideas that are being expressed here.
The basic awareness classes in the Kindergarten are designed to enable you to start practicing "having awarenesses" with your five basic senses—by
coaching you through a comprehensive set of examples of what the experiences of awarenesses are. Those basic classes are designed to be done over
a period of a couple of weeks, while practicing the awarenesses that you learn along the way during the days in between.
A few minutes of practice, several times a day is a good starting place to be at in this. You may find you need to put some "reminders" around to
wake you up in the beginning. And being able to wake up and keep awake a few times every hour is a realistic goal to be working for in this. But,
take it one step at a time, as the Kindergarten classes teach you. And when you have finished those basic classes, you will understand in your own
direct experience what is meant here by the terms "aware presence," and "being awake and mindful."
Once a person has learned to be awake and mindful, the abilities that this experience avails can be directed to anything a person wishes—whatever
they like, whatever they are interested in, whatever they'd like to develop, or participate in with others, or do with their lives.
Again, washing the dishes, dish by dish, is as much a part of a mindfulness practitioner's life as anything else. And this focused, aware consciousness
can be directed, as well, into one's art, one's creativity, one's caring relationships with others, one's craft, one's skills, and anything that one wishes to
develop of one's life with mindfulness, including learning how to do anything you'd like to learn how to do . . . . . like learning to play the awareness
game, which is what I am coaching here.
In the old-timer's group here in Classroom Talk are people who have been here for a year, two years, three years, nearly back to when we started.
You newcomers are important to the rest of us in this class. Ånd here I am getting to my point, at last. I'd like to have you newcomers post any
questions or objections you have to the ideas that are expressed in "a philosophy," so I can address that as honestly as I can on the spot, or ask old-
timer students to do so for me.
Secondly, if you are doing the experiential exercises in the Kindergarten, and there's anything that is troubling you, or you aren't sure you understand
. . . . . or maybe if you think you aren't "catching on" to something that I'm getting at in the coaching, *please let me know about it*. That will never be
"an interruption" in the over-all class process, so please don't be shy about it. The idea here is NOT that you believe in anything I have to say here, as
Coach. Try to steer clear of doing that. The only important thing in these classes is for you to be able to know what I'm talking about by your own
direct and obvious experiences of it. Again, if you have any difficulty catching on to the experiences that are being coached in the Kindergarten
classes, please say so. And I'll try to coach you along with it, as best I can. And the others can benefit in seeing how I approach attempting to do that,
so they can learn how to do this, too.
As for engaging in "the playing field" conversations with the rest of the class in our studies of human behavior with mindfulness, you newcomers can't
be harmed, as far as I can see, watching the rest of us doing this, and seeing whatever we are, or aren't able to do of this. As soon as you feel
comfortable to engage in these conversations, you newcomers are welcome to do so, too.
As you have seen recently, there can be some pretty salty exchanges among students here. The *total* defense in that kind of a situation is knowing
and understanding that whatever a person is saying or doing to you that is wounding *does not have to be taken personally*. They are "wound-up"
and "spring-loaded" to do that anyway. Whenever you see "stingers" (words intended to wound or frustrate), you are seeing what we call
"personality" in the person who is doing that. One of the important things we need to practice in playing the awareness game is letting those stingers
go right on through "without wounding you."
But if stingers *do* get you, be honest about it! Realize it. Then you can deal with it skillfully.
We are here to study the fact that people act out their aggressive and passive stingers on each other unconscously (without awareness), coming from
the *recognizeable* conditioned patterns of personality that automatically govern each of their daily lives. We are studying that so we can know it,
and understand it, in smoothly steering our way through our lives with awareness.
When a newcomer is well along in practicing mindfulness every day (in addition to sitting meditation if they do that, too), the Playground in this school
provides the explanation of an approach that a student can apply, if he or she chooses, to study all human behavior, methodically and accurately (for
those who like the approach). The Personality and Essence Wheel in the Playground is a teaching tool, a mnemonic memory-jogging device, for
reminding us of a rich array of information that encompasses and describes all the behavior that human beings do.
Some of the students in this class will be learning how to use this teaching tool in the Fourth Grade this fall, after a period of Summer School that is
soon to start. In fact, I heard that Memorial Day (last Monday) is regarded as "the official start of summer" in the U.S. Of course, Down Under,
where Pauline lives, winter is coming in. So, I guess it is time for Summer/Winter School.
Anyway, rounding it out for today with you newcomers, the other thing I like from new people in our group is brief feedback from time to time,
about what you are working on at the present time, of the array of things to study here. That way, I sort of know what's going on around here with
the class as a whole. Like awhile back, Jeff mentioned he was working on the Jigsaw Puzzle Game exercise. I like knowing about what you students
are working on.
I can't remember when in the past I have had such a broad sense of where so many of you class-members are at, all at the same time, as I feel I do
now. I wish I could explain how that is a very peaceful experience for me, to feel I am in touch with where so many of you are at. Especially in these
last postings that have come in during this week, I feel a strong sense of harmony with all of you.
What had started out, two weeks ago, looking like "a bummer situation," when Anonymous had hurled those "flaming" words at Tim, and it was
looking like "a bar-room brawl" was about to break out in Classroom Talk . . . . . what started out as an ordinary human engagement of personalities,
has become—in the process of different ones of you speaking up and sharing since then—a "paradise" of peace and harmony for me today.
And I maintain, Kiddies, that this peaceful transformation has only become possible through these many expressions of contritition that have been
happening in our space. Pauline was contrite in several postings (can-do-ing it, all the way!), and finally contrite with Anonymous, whom she had
practically "kicked out of class" at one point. Heh-heh. Then Anonymous was contrite with Tim! Good for you, Anonymous! Then Tim was contrite
with Anonymous!
I have to admit—embarrassingly funny to tell you all—that I was kind of on Anonymous's side on this one. No, I didn't like the way Anonymous
handled it. But my first reaction to that earlier double book report was similar to what Anonymous came out with: "a hundred-fifty fucking pages???"
or something like that.
But I woke up and worked on it. I saw my personality reacting, and I *got off it*. I sensed that I could understand where Tim was coming from then
(Con Artist stepping up to the podium, and Believer, excitedly going "much too far" in "over-exuberance" with the subject of his lecture.) I felt I knew
that, in his position, from his perspective, he was doing what he did "for the general good of all of us."
And when Anonymous blew up, I sensed that he/she was bitter and outraged because "the beauty of it was being spoiled" (Rebel), and was being
very angry and judgmental about it (Judge) in terms that were typically Judge-punishing. And, as with Tim, I felt I knew that in his/her position and
perspective, Anonymous, too, intended that what was being said was "for the general good of all of us."
Heh-heh. So what are we lookin' at here, Kiddies? Two worthy people, each with their different ego-driven personality. And one of them gets
rubbed the wrong way, doesn't understand where the other is coming from, and wham! lets them have it with a few nasty stingers. It was a normal,
common human reaction that happened. (No, "reaction" was the correct answer on that Pop Quiz, Anonymous.) We see reactions like this happening
around us every day, where people don't know where the other person is coming from, and get rubbed the wrong way by it, and react.
This weekend, I'm going to take print-outs of the last couple of weeks of postings with me to the ranch, and watch them again as "game tapes,"
underlining specific things that show up for me in high relief as "teachable moments." Next week, I'll apply maximum candor in responding "with the
light of a thousand candles" to these moments, heh-heh, "*dissecting*" the anatomy of your human beingness, as one of you put it awhile ago. I think
this exercise may bring mind-blowing insights to a number of you students, perhaps being my most valuable observations ever to some of you.
And as you see what these frank, confrontive—"no more bullshit" observations of mine are like next week—no more "Mr. Nice Guy"—heh-heh—this
will provide excellent practice and preparation for all of you in seeing what having real-time workshops here would be like.
In this present lag-time context, you will each be able to reflect privately, and at your leisure on whether or not you would like to have the same kind
of bold interventions done with you by me in a real-time workshop, where I would be "reflecting back on you on the spot," so to speak, and be
"leaving a space for it" for you to react, or respond right there, on the spot. Are we ready for real-time, Folks? That's what I'm trying to find out.
As soon as I've finished my feedback to you students that way, and you've finished the feedback you have to that, I think we'll be ready to move on
from this semester, and on into Summer School.
I'd like to thank you, Jeff, for the many outstanding contributions you've been making in class this semester. From posting our first ever color picture
to that amazing shot of the chocolate bilby (definitely a journalistic coup!) to the instant message function you have shown us that you built into your
own magnificent website, you have broadened my appreciation of the things that can be done with this technology that is at our disposition. I
appreciate the competence of your presence here very much! I wonder if we can do something on the Classroom Talk bulletin board in the AOL
program that is like the instant message function you have incorporated into your site.
I have all of next week left, before beginning my long summer stint at the ranch. My son is planning to be able to work some of that time for me over
those weeks, so I will have some chances to be posting here again over the summer.
In the meantime, maybe we can set up another attempt to get some of us together in an AIM chat towards the end of next week. Douglas, would you
like to be our point person in having another try at that? I'm waiting now to get Perk's correct buddy name, and then I'll post a list of all the buddy
names that I know of, as of early next week. As I understand it, we all have to have all of each other's buddy names on our own AOL list in order for
the chatroom to work.
Then, as I understand it, one of us, who is an AOL client, has to initiate the group by sending invitations to the others at the pre-arranged time. (Is
there a button to click to "Send invitations to all buddies on the list at the same time?)
I've also started making up a chart which shows the different time zones around the world that different ones of us are in, hopefully to help with
finding times that would be as convenient for all of us as possible. And I'll post that chart next week, too.
Mind you, I'm not fixing to start coaching the real-time mindfulness workshops until the Fall. But it may take us some time to work out the best way to
do that, and smooth out the kinks of this AIM program by practicing visiting with each other some, and learning how best to use it together. So I
guess we might as well get started on this during the summer, those of us who care to do so.
Adios for now. Remember, when I'm back with that "dissection of the anatomy of human beingness" exercise next week, Kiddies . . . . no more "Mr.
Nice Guy." ;-)
Coach
Continue with Spring 2001 Classroom Talk or
Post a new discussion in the current Classroom Talk
Archived August 6, 2001