Re: I sense I heard a buzzer going off...Ouch.
Posted by lou on November 15, 2001 at 18:54:24:

In Reply to: I sense I heard a buzzer going off. posted by John on November 15, 2001 at 14:08:02:

Class:

Yes I did feel and recognize what I perceived as “hurt” in Sally. This
is the precise reason I was able to respond without (a lot of) ranker
to her post. As well as leave her with a “kind and sincere” admonition
of not being so scares around here. BUT…with a little prick of Rebel
snide in which was completely detrimental to my under lying heartfelt
intent. Not to mention what only has came to me here, is a Rebel can
never show even the tinniest bit of rebel personality play to another
Rebel without it standing out to the other Rebel IN HIGH RELIEF. Heh-
Heh!

I was actually about to respond in an extremely positive fashion as to
how great and timely executed Sally’s talent was in play with the De
Mello’s post. BUT in looking back here now I see I completely lost the
flow of that gratitude as I proceeded to put her in her place. Oh,
kindly and even with what I thought was mindful at the time of course
in reality has turned out to be piercingly scolding.

And ah yes Coach I could have done a more gracefully mindful warriors
job here, simply by pausing and processing the slight bit of Rebel type
anger (spoiling the beauty) I had but did not wake up to there then. I
could have simply responded with…Sally I’ve missed you in class, you
seem to be feeling down, how can I help?

Now in seeing this clearer I am glimpsing the bit of overly excited
enthusiasm I was having in writing the “I just want to share a small
piece of mindfulness training” post a couple of days earlier. I
remember feeling I could be messing up the space there that coach was
leaving for Bruce to set with his brick (which I must add it seems did
and has done a much better job than I did early on.). But I was easily
able to justify my sharing on the grounds of how well it tied in with
what Coach was doing. When in reality I had not the slightest thought
or consideration to how heavy it could have made Bruce’s brick at the
time.

Lesson: Even with the best intentions my “JACK-ASS” ego can spoil the
whole show.

Penitently lou.

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